How To Renounce Your Faith With Dignity And Grace

MURDERER!!!!!!

WHY MUST THE FOOTBALL GODS TORMENT ME SO? DO THEY HAVE NO MERCY? DO THEY THINK THIS FUCKING SHIT IS FUNNY?

Learn the word  backpfeifengesicht, after the jump!

I see it now. THERE ARE NO FOOTBALL GODS! We should have known this was true when Eli Manning was allowed to win a Super Bowl, but today the Broncos have proved that god is dead and it was Tim Tebow who killed him. Tebow the backpfeifengesicht. Prepare to wake tomorrow and find that all your nightmares have become true. All of our best science is wrong.

Causality.

These are not just the rantings of a lunatic. I have objective evidence. Behold! Tebow is the 29th best quarterback in the NFL. He ranks lower than Rex Grossman! Is he not ashamed? The Broncos are in the bottom 1/3 of the league, easily the worst team with a winning record! But what good is objective evidence when we have our faulty memories, remembering only the facts we wish to remember, distorting the truth into something we find more palatable?

There will be no order to the universe, less than half of all Steeler fans can correctly identify what state Pittsburgh is in and the Cowboys really are “America’s team.” We must worship the Courage Wolf now; our last true source for uncorruptable knowledge and guidance.

Ah! Wisdom.

About The Warren Peace NFL Report

Warren is Redskins fan living in Bronco country. He’s co-founder of the Team Tomorrow ski and snowboard team, and a guy at the bar last Sunday told him, “you know a lot about football for a weirdo.” His favorite conversation about football happened sitting inside a giant volcano at Colorado's regional Burning Man high on LSD.
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3 Responses to How To Renounce Your Faith With Dignity And Grace

  1. Ryan Keating says:

    The saddest part is that the Courage Wolf used to guide humanity, but then Christianity killed the Courage Wolf and hunted it into what was believed to be extinction. However, rare sightings of the Courageous lupis are becoming more frequent. Some scientists are theorizing that we could experience a Courage Wolf revival. Reports of lone Courage Wolves is most common, but a pack our two have been documented existing in desolate wilds far from humans. Scientists have attempted to tag and monitor one on multiple occasions, but the Courage Wolf’s nocturnal habits have proven far too illusive and irregular to allow for a live capture. Courage Wolf activity has been reported more often in urban areas as well, which is leading top researchers to believe that their numbers could be higher than assumed. Courage Wolves feed on bad ideas and horrifying ideals, so experts ask that you dispose of, or store these items safely away from your homes. If you happen to encounter a Courage Wolf give it whatever original thoughts you might have and slowly back away. Most Courage Wolves will leave if intellectually satisfied. Remember when you’re out in nature that you’re in Courage Wolf territory. Be Courage Wolf Aware!

    For more info on Courage Wolves call or visit your local wildlife authority. To see what you can do to protect Courage Wolves – pick up a book and learn something.

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