Week 6 in Review

The NFL is beautiful! (Photo: Getty Images)

Welcome, new readers! Whether you’re following a link from a comment I left somewhere else, or whether I met you at the bar and you saw me taking notes during a game, thanks for clicking!

Football is a great thing, and we almost didn’t get it this year. I am proud of my posts about the lockout. Today they seem prescient of the Occupy Wall Street and We Are The 99% protests, trends and events that The Warren Peace NFL Report supports wholeheartedly.

I wrote in Week 4 that The Warren Peace NFL Report will be a happy football blog any time the Cowboys lose at the last minute. Well, it happened again today! This helps alleviate the pain from the Redskins 13-20 loss to the Eagles, as well as the Giants 27-24 win against the Bills (thanks largely to standout CB Corey Webster (23)). Had the Patriots not driven for that last-minute touchdown to Aaron Hernandez (81), the NFC East would have gone 3-1 with the Redskins the sole week 6 losers. The ‘Skins lost first place in the division by 1/2 game to the Giants as it is, so thank goodness I don’t have to suffer a Cowboy win on top of that.

I guess Rex Grossman (the Sex Cannon) hit the magic 4-game barrier I wrote about before the week. New veteran quarterbacks often play over their heads their first 4 games because opposing defenses don’t have enough tape on them to know what to expect or how to read tendencies. But after 4 games, they do, and they can learn how to beat them. The Redskins went 3-1 his first 4 games, and he was benched this week in his 5th after throwing 4 interceptions.

Backup John Beck (12) led perhaps the ugliest “successful” drive I’ve ever seen, capping it with a 4th-quarter TD scramble. He brought the ‘Skins to within 7 points, but there was only 2:44 left, and they kicked deep and never saw the ball again. While Beck might benefit from the same 4 game “unknown QB boost,” I am pretty sure the Cannon is still the better player. Maybe he was suffering from post-coital lethargy today. But that’s what happens when you’re the Sex Cannon.

Wouldn't you? (photo: playerwives.com)

This is NOT what I mean when I say, "Sex Cannon." You disgust me for even thinking it.

I slept in today and by the time I got to the bar, the Cannon was already benched. I’m going to watch on NFL Rewind after posting this to find out what really happened. That or play some Madden.

Anyway, here are a few observations that any NFL fan should know by week 6:

New Orleans tight end Jimmy Graham (80) is just about impossible to cover in single coverage. Seriously, watch him play! There is always a way to get the ball to him, which is why he is the #1A receiver down there now.


Pictured: Attitude. (AP photo)

The radio announcer described Cedric Benson’s (32) 1-yard touchdown run as an “attitude play.” Well I’m glad he has that, since he sure doesn’t have talent!

Let’s hope Rob Ryan only spends one year in Dallas, moving on next year to be a head coach. He has that defense playing too well for this blog’s liking.

Jim Harbaugh is showing what a smart coach is worth in San Fransisco. Though coming from one of the stupidest (Mike Singletary), the effect might be exaggerated somewhat. Detroit’s Jim Schwartz (a fellow FO reader) is out of the same mold, only his Singletary was GM Matt Millen. John Fox doesn’t get the same bonus because he’s not as smart as the former two coaches, and though Josh McDaniels was even worse at GM than Millen, he is one hell of an offensive coordinator.

Pictured: Not Stoned (Probably) (photo: jerseyal.com)

I noticed last week that Green Bay GM Ted Thompson looked tranquilized. I expect he had volunteered to test out some new experimental breast cancer medicine on himself. That’s how much he cares about giving back to his community for Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Also, I hate pink and I can’t wait for November.

Speaking of the Packers, the way to beat them seems to be to have two speedy edge rushers who can get to Aaron Rodgers (12) quickly enough to mess up the play.

The way to beat the Lions seems to be to call screens and runs attacking where their defensive linemen line up; they are so fast and mobile, after the snap you can be sure they won’t be there long. Defensive end Lawrence Jackson (94) is a sure pro-bowler this year. The 2008 1st round draft pick washed out of Seattle only to dominate in Detroit! He’s been their second best lineman after Suh (90).

Speaking of getting high, I have often wondered about the common trend for NFL players to be high on opiates during games. When a player makes a boneheaded mistake, or an amazing play, I sometimes wonder if it was the drugs. It’s certainly not hard to get a team doctor to prescribe them, considering the amount of bruising they must take, and I’ve found opiate painkillers to improve my concentration and performance, as they make everything hurt less, even mistakes. I suspect there are more defenders than offensive players getting high, but how would I know?

It makes sense that Pizza Hut would advertise with a moron who picked Reggie Bush in fantasy since only a moron would pick Bush in fantasy.

Speaking of shitty running backs, thank goodness Tennessee had a bye this week. The 2011 Chris Johnson (28) is about the weakest and most hesitant back I’ve ever seen. Maybe he needs more meds?

Speaking of bye weeks, it was nice to sit back and enjoy the week’s games last week when the Redskins were on bye. It is way too stressful watching them play.

Quotes of the Day:

Says the guy at the bar after being laughed at for cheering for a replay, “it was exciting for me!”

Back and forth between guy holding an “I heart bacon” sign and the “Occupy Colorado Springs” protesters: “Hey, how come you get a tent?”

“We’ve been here for seventeen days.”

“I’ve been here for an hour and my arm’s already tired!”

And remember, if somebody is being an asshole or a cunt, you need to be a dick. The universe works best when it’s in perfect balance.

Check back this week for more posts as I get around to writing them!

SITE NEWS: Due to popular demand as measured via the poll results, I have changed to the Favre header! If you don’t like it, vote! Designs can be viewed here.

New Orleans tight end Jimmy Graham (80) is just about impossible to cover in single coverage. Seriously, watch him play! There is always a way to get the ball to him, which is why he is the #1A receiver down there now.

I think Drew Brees is a great QB because he isn’t a great QB. I mean that he wasn’t born blessed with the strongest arm or the fastest legs, but he makes up for it by playing smart and getting 100% out of the body he does have. If you play QB, he’s the guy you emulate.


About The Warren Peace NFL Report

Warren is Redskins fan living in Bronco country. He’s co-founder of the Team Tomorrow ski and snowboard team, and a guy at the bar last Sunday told him, “you know a lot about football for a weirdo.” His favorite conversation about football happened sitting inside a giant volcano at Colorado's regional Burning Man high on LSD.
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