Why I Hope the Broncos Lose

This is what a quarterback looks like

I think Jake Plummer is awesome. He is a man who’s identity stretches beyond football. After the Broncos replaced him with Jay Cutler in 2006, they attempted to trade him to the Buccaneers, then coached by Jon “Chucky” Gruden, who is notoriously a hard coach to play for. Instead of obediently packing his bags and moving to Tampa Bay to call Gruden “dad,” he retired to enjoy his millions of dollars while traveling the world, living like a mountain man, partying with Phish, and playing professional handball. Tell me that isn’t fucking awesome.

What would a guy like Plummer say about the new Broncos quarterback, Tim Tebow? He might say exactly this: “I think that when he accepts the fact that we know that he loves Jesus Christ then I think I’ll like him a little better. I don’t hate him because of that, I just would rather not have to hear that every single time he takes a good snap or makes a good handoff.”

Jake Plummer's awesome porn stache

The Broncos were 39-15 with Jake Plummer as quarterback. His time in Colorado also included going 13-3 in 2004 and playing in the AFC Championship game, which they lost to the eventual Super Bowl champion Steelers.

Yet the fans here hated him for some reason, and he was cut.

The Broncos had a high-powered offense with Kyle Orton under center. Though they never finished better than 8-8, their failure to break .500 can hardly be blamed on him. The team’s inability to win was due almost entirely to their craptastic defense. In fack, it’s only because of Orton’s excellent execution of Josh McDaniel’s excellent offensive system that they even won 8 games, rather than the 2-3 we are used to now.

Yet the fans here hated him for some reason, and he was cut.

Both Plummer and Orton were unnecessarily vilified, so you might conclude that Denver fans have been harsh on quarterbacks since John Elway retired. But

Tim Tebow's monk haircut. Since this is awesome, you know it wasn't his idea.

you would be wrong. The fans loved petulant and whiny Jay Cutler, who at the time resembled Jeff George more than Elway. And now fans have fully embraced Tim Tebow for reasons that I cannot explain or even fathom. It didn’t help matters that head coach John Fox didn’t give Orton a chance, using him as a human placeholder until he felt Tebow was ready to complete two passes in a game.

Why do fans prefer Jay Cutler to Jake Plummer, and Tim Tebow to Kyle Orton? The only thing I know for sure is the fans are wrong, and as much as it pains me, I hope the Broncos lose embarrassingly, because I want to see their fans suffer for their ignorance. It’s never really bothered me that bad things happen to good people. Such is life. But it drives me fucking nuts when good things happen to bad people.

Advertisements

About The Warren Peace NFL Report

Warren is Redskins fan living in Bronco country. He’s co-founder of the Team Tomorrow ski and snowboard team, and a guy at the bar last Sunday told him, “you know a lot about football for a weirdo.” His favorite conversation about football happened sitting inside a giant volcano at Colorado's regional Burning Man high on LSD.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Why I Hope the Broncos Lose

  1. Pingback: UPDATE: Tebow Responds to Plummer | The Warren Peace NFL Report

  2. Pingback: I Hate Being a Redskins Fan | The Warren Peace NFL Report

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s